The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
