please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
