why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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