we're blogging at a bar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
