I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
