And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
