Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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