You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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