This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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