So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
did i just pee glitter
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
