She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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