Jerry, you need to find god
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
