someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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