Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
