omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
