It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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