I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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