just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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