Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
