Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
