Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
