do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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