Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize