literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
