the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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