yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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