There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize