Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
