how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
