The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
