I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
