If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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