He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
