you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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