so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
