he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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