Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
