he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you would pick up someone in the library
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize