Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize