Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
