Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
