If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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