Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize