First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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