I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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