3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
