I want to have your abortion
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
be right there i have to get my cape
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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