he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
