I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
