smell my finger.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize