I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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