He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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