So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
