Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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