At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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