yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
