My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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