she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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