Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
