Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
