you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
