Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
