all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
