were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
BRING THE BAGELS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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