Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
